What you need to know about Girl Bullies

Trace in her younger days

Anything had to be better than my childhood. Being back at school was my escape.

I had no clue how to change what was happening at home. Writing in my diary was useful if I had a problem. If I had access to therapy, it would have helped.

Life was simpler then: I thought I knew so much when actually I knew so little.

I didn’t have this great grasp of reality and I wasn’t feeling great about myself. I wanted to be an older jazzier version of me.

Magazines did build my fantasies. Models and musicians were my bigger-than-life role models; all the media hype I believed. No one warned me that gossip rags simply made up stuff.  I became a devoted believer-reader of celebrity trash-talk. Yup, I was naïve. I wanted to be them, not me.

Come to think of it: being jealous all the time was not useful. Those magazines filled my head with what I wasn’t.

So when someone wore new clothes or spoke big words I didn’t understand, I was green with envy. There was plenty I envied. (Of course I knew the Catholic Commandment about coveting and I tried to stop myself.)

I thought my life would actually improve when I got to college; when I was on my own. This idea became constant. This idea kept me relatively sane.

So now its 2010 and school is about to start.  I loved getting ready for my first day back. Then I remembered the two girls who stole what I needed to play the stock market game in my high school social studies class. It bothered me. I didn’t know why they would do something like that to me.

What did I do to them? Nothing.

When my teacher Steve told me their names, it hit me these two girls were bullies.  Nothing I could say to them would make it better.

There are kids who have a mess at home and yes, they might take their frustrations out on other kids and classmates: so they become bullies.

I understand how low self-esteem works. I could have been a bully. It would have been easy. I had plenty to be angry about, especially then.

Something in me snapped. I decided to move past my envy. I decided you have to be a bigger person.

I think about girls who are bullies and bullied today, and how girls are influenced by the media images, just like I was! These bad girl images slam us everyday: be thinner, be prettier, be smarter, be Britney, be Paris.

Repeat after me: I am enough. I am enough.

New review!

FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY: Review of "One Small Sacrifice"

Newspaper Rock: Yesterday's Cherokees = today's Muslims

Newspaper Rock: Yesterday's Cherokees = today's Muslims

Strong as a Willow

My youth disappeared
under spell and dominion,
too powerless, mute, and
too weak to protest

Maid, cook, whore, child
Necessary, I believed, so
I disappeared into their idea
of what I should be

I read their desires as directions
like their force, somehow
My illusion had to be protected
with all my energy and faith

I trusted I would be safe
I told myself it was love
and that it was worth it
I was wrong, I was as good as dead

I was incapable of love
to any degree
There was no emotion
Just a numb, frozen heart

I found memories of a little princess
whose father took his piece
then a procession of narcissists
who either betrayed or enslaved

Yet even a slave is rewarded
Angels arrive, teachers, books
that open my world of silence
and give me my voice

There is no worthless left
just a force and direction
There are beliefs that allow no weakness
and no men left to dominate desire

Now, as I choose,
I am safe within my own walls,
alive in my body, strong as a willow,
as wild, as free.
© 2010 Trace A. DeMeyer

Adopt a village

I am a Laura Jean Thrall-Bland and I am Trace DeMeyer. Split feather – two names – two identities. Confusing, right?
Are any adoptees reading this? How about foster children? How about adoptive parents? Now what I can’t ask is – have any of you given a baby up for adoption? Why can’t I ask? Because there is a shame associated with this for many mothers and there is a stigma attached.
Thank God, little by little this stigma is changing, and views about adoptees who search for their relatives and open their adoptions is changing. Natural moms who want to find their lost child is changing.
What I learned about adoption and statistics in the past several years changed me.
What I discovered in reunion was not as pleasant as I wished, yet an increased awareness helped me write the book, heal my wounds, and transform fear into love.
The more I learned the better I healed.
As for the children who need families, please do not be afraid to become foster parents and legal guardians. Do not rob a child of their identity. Go to Social Services. I think rich celebrities need to adopt a village, not an individual child. If Madonna can afford it, she should sponsor an entire village in Africa and pay for their food and education, so she can end the cycle of poverty.
We can’t fix adoption until we fix poverty, and we know that won’t be easy. Like Gandhi said, poverty is the worse form of violence. Poor families, Indian people on reservations with stifling poverty, their children, and future generations, are my greatest concern right now.
I promise you, once you read my memoir, you’ll never look at adoption in the same way again.

The takeaway: Adoptees fight for birth certificates