Once Was Von: Search and Reunion Etiquette

Once Was Von: Search and Reunion Etiquette: Search and Reunion Etiquette: - : Do be very discreet. Do not, if at all possible, discuss the adoption story with anyone except the person ...

YES, there should be rules to this - and support for all those in reunion. Great post Von!
Trace

Michigan - what are you doing?

Second ICWA-Related Argument at Michigan SCT on Wednesday by Matthew L.M. Fletcher (Turtle Talk on the web)

Here is the issue in In re Gordon:

Courtney Hinkle first came to the attention of Children’s Protective Services after she was suspected of neglecting her months-old infant. When the child was one year old, CPS learned that he had been treated for second-degree burns to his hands, allegedly caused by a fall into a fireplace, and that Hinkle had not obtained follow-up medical care for him as directed. CPS filed a court action, and the child was taken into protective custody and placed in foster care. After attempting to provide services for Hinkle and concluding that she did not benefit from them, the Department of Human Services filed a petition seeking termination of Hinkle’s parental rights. At the conclusion of the termination hearing, the circuit judge found that DHS had established grounds for termination, and that termination was in the child’s best interests.

Hinkle appealed to the Court of Appeals, contending that DHS and the circuit court failed to comply with the notice requirements of the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA), 25 USC 1901 et seq., and failed to create a complete record of their attempts at compliance. Under the ICWA, child custody proceedings involving foster care placement or termination of parental rights to an “Indian child,” 25 USC 1903(4), are subject to specific federal procedures and standards. ICWA requires that an interested Indian tribe receive notice of termination proceedings involving an Indian child, 25 USC 1912(a). Under the ICWA, an “Indian child” is any unmarried individual less than eighteen years of age who is either (1) an Indian tribe member or (2) both eligible for Indian tribe membership and an Indian tribe member’s biological child. 25 USC 1903(4). The question whether a person is a member of a tribe or eligible for membership is for the tribe itself to answer. In re NEGP, 245 Mich App 126, 133 (2001). The failure to comply with the Indian tribe notice requirements may lead to invalidation of the proceedings. 25 USC 1914.

The circuit court record disclosed that Hinkle informed the judge that her family was part of the Saginaw Chippewa Indian tribe in Mt. Pleasant. Hinkle stated that she and her child were not tribal members, and that her biological mother was not a member of the tribe, but that her mother’s siblings were, including the aunt who was caring for her son during his foster care placement. She stated that she and her mother were awaiting word as to their own eligibility for tribal membership. The circuit judge directed DHS to investigate the child’s possible tribal membership and to notify the tribe of the proceedings. At a later hearing, the caseworker stated that she mailed a certified letter to the tribe, but had not heard back as to the child’s membership. At a subsequent hearing, the caseworker informed the court that Hinkle’s mother had been told that the family was not eligible for tribal “benefits.” The foster mother stated that she was a tribal mother, and that she tried to obtain information regarding the child’s status from the tribe, but that the tribe refused to release that information to anyone but DHS or the court. The court directed the caseworker to contact the tribe again. The ICWA notice issue was not mentioned again at any hearing and the file contains no mention of any further communications with the tribe.

The Court of Appeals affirmed the trial court’s termination of Hinkle’s parental rights in an unpublished per curiam opinion. Hinkle did not demonstrate that the trial court and DHS failed to satisfy ICWA’s notice requirement, the Court of Appeals stated; there was ample evidence that the tribe had actual notice of the proceedings, the appellate court said. Moreover, “[g]iven respondent’s own statement in court that she received a response that she and her son were not eligible for tribal membership, the trial court was relieved from embarking on further ICWA tribal notification efforts,” the Court of Appeals concluded. Hinkle appeals.

And here are the briefs:

Petitioner-Appellee's Response to Application for Leave to Appeal>>

Respondent-Appellant's Application for Leave to Appeal>> 
Respondent-Appellant's Supplemental Brief>>

Michigan Indian Legal Services, Inc. and The American Indian Law Section of the State Bar of Michigans' Amici Curiae Brief>>

New Book: Native American Adoption...

NEW BOOK

Native American Adoption, Captivity, and Slavery in Changing Contexts

Studies of the Americas Edited By Max Carocci and Stephanie Pratt Palgrave Macmillan, January 2012 ISBN: 978-0-230-11505-7, ISBN10: 0-230-11505-5,  278 pages, Hardcover, $90

History
Native American Adoption, Captivity, and Slavery in Changing Contexts radically rethinks the theoretical parameters through which we interpret both current and past ideas of adoption, captivity, and slavery among Native American societies in an interdisciplinary perspective. The book covers a period of over 800 years of North American history, from Native American archaeological cultures to the late nineteenth century. Individual case studies reframe concepts related to adoption, captivity, and slavery through art, literature, archaeology, and anthropology. In doing so, they highlight the importance of the interaction between perceptions, representations, and lived experience associated with the facts of slavery.

About the Author(s)

By Stephanie Pratt and Max Carocci

Max Carocci lectures on Indigenous Arts of the Americas for the program World Arts and Artefacts, which he directs in joint collaboration with Birkbeck College's department of History of Art and Screen Media (University of London) and the British Museum. He has recently curated Warriors of the Plains, an exhibition on Plains Indian arts, for the British Museum. His forthcoming monograph, The Arts of Plains Indian Warfare (2012), expands his long-standing focus on Native American arts from an anthropological perspective, which he has developed over more than twenty years of research and publications about Native American expressive cultures. He is also curator of the forthcoming exhibition on Native American photographic collections from the Royal Anthropological Institute of Great Britain and Ireland due to open at their London headquarters in 2012.

Stephanie Pratt is an associate professor(reader) of Art History at the University of Plymouth. She has published a number of essays concerning the visual representation of Native Americans in European art from the period c. 1600 to the end of the nineteenth century. Her monograph, American Indians in British Art, 1700–1840, was published in 2005. Recently, she has focused on how Native American cultures and arts have been represented in Western museums and galleries and is developing a book-length study of early North American collections of Native American ethnographica. She is principal curator for the upcoming exhibition George Catlin's Indian Gallery: Displaying Indigenous America in Nineteenth Century Europe, to be held at the National Portrait Gallery, London, in 2013.


Table of Contents

Ripe for Colonial Exploitation: Ancient Traditions of Violence and Enmity as Preludes to the Indian Slave Trade - Marvin D. Jeter * The Emergence of the Colonial South: Colonial Indian Slaving and the Fall of the Pre-Contact Mississippian World and the Emergence of a New Social Geography in the American South, 1540-1730 - Robbie Ethridge * Southeastern Indian Polities of the Seventeenth Century: Suggestions toward an Analytical Vocabulary - Eric E. Bowne * From Captives to Kin: Indian Slavery and Changing Social Identities on the Louisiana Colonial Frontier - Dayna Bowker Lee * Capturing Captivity: Visual Imaginings of the English and Powhatan Encounter Accompanying the Virginia Narratives of John Smith and Ralph Hamor, 1612 - 1634 - Stephanie Pratt * Strategies of (Un)belonging: The Captivities of John Smith, Olaudah Equiano, and John Marrant - Susan Castillo * Captive or Captivated: Rethinking Encounters in Early Colonial America - Patrick Minges * A Christian Disposition: Religious Identity in the Meeker Captivity Narrative - Brandi Denison * Visual Representation as a Method of Discourse on Captivity, Focussed on Cynthia Ann Parker - Lin Holdridge * Reflections and Refractions from the Southwest Borderlands - James F. Brooks

[ This book is very expensive and yet it has history we very much need to learn about...so if I can obtain a copy soon, I will post a review.... Trace]

Once Was Von: Mamma Mia!

Once Was Von: Mamma Mia!: Most adoptees who read blogs, websites and use forums, will have come across the mother, who in a gesture of connection, tells an individual...

Please read the rest of this post... It's so good!

Failed Reunions - I need to hear from you!

I am writing a story about failed reunions.
If you have not had a successful reunion after you found your mother or father after a closed adoption, what happened and what didn't happen. That's what every adoptee needs to know and learn.
If you did have a failed reunion with your birthparent or birthparents or birth family, please email me: tracedemeyer@yahoo.com. All replies will be confidential.
Thank you so much everyone for reading this blog and sharing your comments and your stories.

Disgusted, dirty, and angry: You can help stop the deportation of Russell Green.

http://landofgazillionadoptees.com/2012/01/09/disgusted-dirty-and-angry-you-can-help-stop-the-deportation-of-russell-green/

My heart breaks reading stories like these...PLEASE sign the petition. I did!

American Holocaust of Native People (video)

Watch more documentary here, http://documentarytrove.com/ 
The powerful and hard-hitting documentary, American Holocaust, is quite possibly the only film that reveals the link between the Nazi holocaust, which claimed at least 6 million Jews, and the American Holocaust which claimed, according to conservative estimates, 19 million Indigenous People.

It is seldom noted anywhere in fact, be it in textbooks or on the internet, that Hitler studied Americas Indian policy, and used it as a model for what he termed "the final solution."

He wasn't the only one either. Its not explicitly mentioned in the film, but its well known that members of the National Party government in South Africa studied the American approach before they introduced the system of racial apartheid, which lasted from 1948 to 1994. Other fascist regimes, for instance, in South and Central America, studied the same policy.


19 Million Native People is a HOLOCAUST! Trace

WE NEED YOU NOW! New Bill in WA state

IMPORTANT!! New WA bill for OBCs and Non-ID! 


Write these lawmakers! I did!



Penni writes on Soaring Angels:
Hello- We have a new bill this year that would release original birth certificates (OBC) to Washington State adoptees AND would also compel counties and adoption agencies to give out ALL possibly non-id (changes the 'shall' to 'will' in the non-id RCW - YAY!!).

This bill is House Bill 2211:
http://apps. leg.wa.gov/ billinfo/ summary.aspx? bill=2211

Because there are certain legislators who are extremely anti-open records, we did have to agree to a compromise this year. This compromise would add an option for birth parents to file an affidavit of non-closure, which would
mean the adoptee couldn't get their original birth certificate. 

The good thing about this particular compromise is that it would expire every 2 years and the birth parent would have to renew it. Also, even if a birth parent would file an affidavit of non-disclosure, the adoptee would
still be able to get their non-identifying information.

WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU:

1. CONTACT YOUR REPRESENTATIVE! 
We need all of you with a WA connection to contact your state representative and ask them to support House Bill 2211 (HB 2211). 

You can find your representatives here:
http://apps. leg.wa.gov/ DistrictFinder/ Default.aspx

2. IF YOUR REPRESENTATIVE IS ON THE HOUSE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE, SETUP A MEETING!
If any of you live in a district with a representative on the House Judiciary Committee, and would be willing to set up a meeting, we could arrange to have someone from WA-CARE go with you to the meeting. 

Here are the members of the Judiciary Committee:
http://www.leg. wa.gov/House/ Committees/ JUDI/Pages/ MembersStaff. aspx. 

3. SETUP A MEETING WITH ONE OF THESE SENTATORS!
Do any of you live in the districts belonging to Sen. Becker, Sen. Keiser, Sen. Stevens, and Sen. Pridemore?? If yes, we also need to try to set up meetings with one of these sentators in the event that the bill passes the
house and moves on to the senate, need to find a potential senator to sponsor the bill.

For more information about the efforts in WA to get the adoption laws changed, see the WA-CARE website: http://wa-care.com/default. aspx

Next WA-CARE meeting: Wed, Jan 18, 2012, 11.30am at Cutter's Point Coffee, 5750 Ruddell Road SE, Lacey, WA.

Any comments or questions, please email WA-CARE at washingtonadopteerights@gmail. com
Thanks! Penni


From Trace: Write a letter to the legislators and email Penni and tell your story - good and bad - adoption secrecy is like a cancer and needs maximum exposure aimed at the lawmakers. The adoptee and their stories are critical to change these lawmakers minds.

TO:	Representative Tina Orwall
FROM:	Ms. Trace A DeMeyer
BILL:	2211 (For Adoptee Rights)
	Dear Rep Tina Orwall I did live and work in WA state for many years but currently live in MA. I am an adoptee and an author. My struggle to find my identity, my medical history, my ancestry, my family and my tribe is detailed in my memoir ONE SMALL SACRIFICE: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects. My book is on Amazon. My blog (www.splitfeathers.blogspot.com) has research and history and many articles by and about adoptees who are also struggling with archaic laws. Not all have American Indian ancestry. Do you know who you are? Do you know what it is like not to know? Or date someone who could be your relative? Or get sick and not have medical history? Or have a fake birth certificate and now with the REAL ID ACT you may not be able to get a new drivers license or passport. My friends Wanda and Tom are WA state adoptees and cannot find their parents. Is that right? They are adults, not children. It's possible their parents are dead but they remember their siblings before they were taken to CT to be adopted. That was a part of the Indian Adoption Project. Excerpt from my second book SPLIT FEATHERS: TWO WORLDS Administered by the Child Welfare League of America and funded by a federal contract from the Bureau of Indian Affairs and the U.S. Children’s Bureau, the Indian Adoption Project lasted from 1958 through 1967. During an era when matching dominated adoption practice, it placed 395 Native American children from 16 western states with white families in Illinois, Indiana, New York, Massachusetts, Missouri, and other states in the East and Midwest. (Only 14 children were adopted by Southern families and one child was adopted in Puerto Rico.) Approximately fifty public and private adoption agencies cooperated with the project, but the largest number of children were placed by agencies that were leaders in African-American adoptions and services to children of color: Louise Wise Services and Spence-Chapin Adoption Services (both of New York) and the Children’s Bureau of Delaware. Because tribes are legally considered sovereign nations, the incorporation of Indian children into non-Indian families constituted a kind of international as well as transracial adoption...The Indian Adoption Project was perhaps the single most important exception to race-matching... It aspired to systematically place an entire child population across lines of nation, culture, and race. (85% of Indian children in 16 states were placed in CLOSED ADOPTIONS)(Each state had its own program after IAP using the ARENA projects which moved thousands of Indian children from Canada and the US to non-Indian adoptive families. I have more proof in book 2.) In the late 1960s and early 1970s, Native Americans challenged the idea that the Indian Adoption Project was a triumph and denounced the project as the most recent in a long line of genocidal policies toward native communities and cultures. In June 2001, Child Welfare League Executive Director Shay Bilchik legitimated Native concerns, formally apologizing for the Indian Adoption Project at a meeting of the National Indian Child Welfare Association. He put the Child Welfare League of America on record in support of the Indian Child Welfare Act. “No matter how well intentioned and how squarely in the mainstream this was at the time,” he said, “it was wrong; it was hurtful; and it reflected a kind of bias that surfaces feelings of shame.” Source: http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/topics/IAP.html When you consider all the lies and secrecy and harm that surrounds adoption, how does that make you feel? Trace A. DeMeyer
RESPONSE:	Ms. DeMeyer has requested a response to this message.

Adopters battle with Cherokee Father

Couple battles tribe over adoption

Columbia, South Carolina (WLTX) - A Lowcountry couple with a Midlands connection is working to get back the little girl they adopted two years ago, after a judge granted custody to the biological father under the Indian Child Welfare Act.

"I'll always remember her crying when we had to - we had to walk out of that office and leave her there," says Melanie Capobianco. Two years ago, she and her husband Matt first helped to welcome Veronica into the world.

According to their website, her birth mother selected the Charleston couple to adopt her and they remain close. They also say her birth father signed a document saying he wouldn't contest the adoption. But after a court battle, Veronica's birth father claimed custody under the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. "Specifically, it says that tribes have to be notified when children of their members, or eligible members, are being placed outside the home. Tribes have to be given a chance to intervene," explains David Simmons with the National Indian Child Welfare Association.

He says their culture is an important aspect of the Native American community. "Their culture, nobody else can provide that for them. And they have a right to be able to experience that relationship with their tribe," says Simmons.

On New Year's Eve, Veronica's birth father took her with him to Oklahoma, where he lives. While Simmons is sympathetic to the Capobiancos' struggle, he's seen similar cases before. "Oftentimes, when we hear about cases like this, we find out that there hasn't, the person who was facilitating - sort of the expert in doing this work - wasn't following the Indian Child Welfare Act as closely as they should've been," he says.

The couple did get to talk to Veronica on the phone earlier this week. "She said, 'Hi mommy! Hi daddy!' She sounded really excited to hear us and she said, 'I love you, I love you,' numerous times," says Melanie. 

But they're still fighting to have more than just her voice back in their home.

Melanie is originally from Winnsboro. She and her husband's appeal to the South Carolina Supreme Court is already underway, but the case probably won't be heard until this spring.

News19 did leave a message for Veronica's birth father's attorney, but has not yet heard back. Click here for the TV broadcast

My thoughts:

The slant in this story is the child is/was better off with the adoptive parents and the bio-dad is not enough Indian to matter - if you read the comments after this story.

The idea behind the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) was to protect children. Adoption does not protect us if the courts place a child outside of their tribal family. The courts should respect a father's right to parent and have custody... in this case the mother had given consent for adoption of Veronica but not the father who is Cherokee.

If both parents consent to adoption, if that is the only option for a child, then other family needs to raise the child within the tribe...

Disregarding federal law and the sovereignty of Native American people is obvious in too many cases of adoption in the last 30 years since ICWA. South Carolina is among them.

Trace

What you need to know about REUNIONS

The Reunion
http://library.adoption.com/articles/search-and-reunion-etiquette-.html 

Reunions come in many styles and with many variations, but the essence is still the same. This is the "meeting" - the reconnection - of two people who for all intents and purposes are closely related, but who are relative strangers. Like the development of any relationship, that of adoptee and birth relative takes time and effort. There is something profoundly mystical and magical about reunions. They require lots of work, lots of concentration and, above all, a sense of humour. Rules of etiquette which have been developed through experience may make things run more smoothly.

Do be honest. There have been enough lies and secrets.

Do share information as appropriate, both in the initial call (if there is one) and later, when you meet. Sometimes questions come as a reflex and may not need to be answered that very moment. For example, to "How did you find me?" you might respond "It was not easy. I'll tell you the whole story sometime. Right now let's enjoy this wonderful meeting." To "Who is my birth father?" one might respond "I will tell you the whole story, but right now I need some time to reflect on what has happened. But I promise I'll tell you the truth." A related principle is that if an immediate answer to your questions is not forthcoming, try to be patient-within reason-with the other person.

Do try to laugh. This is a joyful situation. Don't make it into a frightening experience. There is enough inherent drama in the incredible event taking place without adding to the tension. Be prepared to go whitewater rafting and hang on tight!

Do try to keep it simple. In birth parent searches, do not try to find both parents at once (unless, of course, they are still together). The emotional upheaval that may ensue could spoil the hope of future successes.

Do plan your first meeting in a place where either party can feel confident and safe. The situation is emotional enough without adding to it the fear of not being able to "get away" if there is a problem. A cozy corner in a public place (behind the potted palms in a large hotel lounge) can be just fine. If you decide this is working well, you can move to somewhere more private.

Do keep the first meeting shorter rather than longer, if possible. This gives everyone time to take a breather, re-assess the situation and consider the future relationship. It is always easier meeting for the second time. (If you have to travel some distance to meet, the "second time" may be the day after your initial meeting.)

Do try to avoid a huge family picnic as the way to introduce your new-found relative to the clan. It can be very overwhelming to meet 50 relatives at once.

Do keep an open mind. The birth family may be very different from the adoptive family. Try not to judge one against the other until you get to know them better.

Do have realistic expectations. The moment of reunion is not the time to decide you really only wanted "medical information" or that you are not ready to pursue a relationship. It is cruel to set the other party up to expect more than you are prepared to give. Be honest with yourself and try to look at your reasons for searching and the limits of what you can accept. Talk with your support system ahead of time about the limits; if you're in an uncomfortable situation, try to resolve it directly and privately. 

Do have a frank discussion of how the adoptee will address the birth parent and other birth relatives, and vice versa, following the reunion. Some birth mothers want their surrendered children to call them "Mom," but adoptees already have one "Mom" in their life and may not be comfortable using that title for anyone but their adoptive mother. Likewise, some adoptees are eager to call their birth mother "Mom," but the birth mother may not be comfortable being called "Mom" by a child she did not raise. Good manners would also direct that any discussion of how the adoptee will refer to his or her birth relatives not take place in the presence of a roomful of relatives. One needs to be very flexible. If this issue becomes one of contention, a re-examination of expectations may be in order.

Don't try to compete with established family holiday procedures unless everyone agrees. Like the name issue, this is not worth the anguish it can cause. Keep it simple. Many reunited relatives get bogged down in the minutiae of names and festivals instead of being thrilled that they have found each other.

Do try to respect the other person's wishes about sharing the reunion with other members of the family. For some birth parents, a reluctance to share can go on too long. Try to set limits to your impatience and wait it out. At some point adoptees in this situation may need to re-assess their expectations and make decisions about the future path of the relationship. Advice from an experienced searcher or support group is recommended.

Do be stoic if the other party feels a need to pull back for a while. It is very wise to agree without a huge fuss, great grief, or gnashing of teeth. Such need to pull away is often seen in the reunion process. It allows the person to take stock or re-assess the reunion and its effect on his or her life. Although very painful to the other person, it is best treated with patience and lots of reading. Support groups are great for dealing with the sadness. No one can fix anyone else. They can only fix themselves.

Don't blame yourself for problems in the other person's life. Birth mothers often feel great guilt if the child they relinquished did not grow up as advantaged as they might have hoped, or if religion is not as important in their child's life as it is to them (or vice versa). Adoptees can sometimes feel guilty if the relinquishment experience had a negative impact on the birth mother's life. We cannot turn the clock back no matter how much we might want to. Your relationship starts from the day you meet again. Keep it positive.

Don't plan on moving in with your new relatives. They may be delighted to meet you but they are not looking for a permanent house guest.

Do enjoy the reunion. It's a gift from God.

So...is Search and Reunion a good thing? You bet! Should it be carefully thought through? Absolutely! Will it be 100% successful? If we knew the answer to that, we'd be setting up shop in Las Vegas!




[I wish I had known more prior to my reunions in 1994 - this is very good advice...Trace]

Help for Minnesota Adoptees (I am one, too)

I am an adoptee who was born in Minnesota in 1956.
When I was searching, I did call Catholic Charities since they handled my adoption. This was in the late 1970s and they, of course, were shocked I was asking for my birth certificate and wanting to know who my parents were. They didn't slam down the phone but they were no help at all - but times have changed somewhat since then and this is the  link  to contact Minnesota for access to your birth records and birth certificate.
It is "conditional" access - which means your birthparent has had to file a consent form - and if they have done that, the adoptee will be able to have a certified copy of the original birth records. (read below)
You can check my blog here about what was in my adoption file from Wisconsin; the judge ordered an investigation before my adoption was finalized and the investigator had to get a copies of my files which listed days spent in a Minnesota Catholic orphanage, other records from Minnesota, my foster care address in Wisconsin - prior to my being legally adopted. (Yes, states did transfer children around like Minnesota-Wisconsin-Illinois). I was born in MN but adopted in Wisconsin - which meant I had two places to look. A Wisconsin judge let me read my files in 1979.
In 2010, I did contact Minnesota to request a copy of my original birth certificate. Because records are still sealed, they said NO. My birthmother Helen died in 2007, so she obviously will not ever give her consent.
This also presents a problem since the government will be refusing to give certain people with strange-looking birth certificates a driver's license in the not-too-distant future. (REAL ID ACT OF 2005)
My friends at Soaring Angels on Yahoo Groups (search angels for adoptees & birthfamilies) posted this so I wanted to share it with adoptees who need help in Minnesota!

Access to Original Birth Record in MN


A child, age 19 or older who was adopted, may request a non-certified copy of the original birth record. To request a non-certified copy, complete the Adoptee's Request for Original Birth Record Information and Search for Affidavit of Disclosure or Non-Disclosure( Interactive PDF: 60KB/1 page)
<http://www.health. state.mn. us/divs/chs/ osr/disclosesear chnew.pdf> . 
Mail the completed form with a fee of $13 to the Minnesota Department of Health, Central Cashiering - Vital Records, P.O. Box 64499, St. Paul, Minnesota 55164-0499.

If a birth parent has given permission to release the original birth information to the child, MDH will send the child a non-certified copy of the original birth record. If no Affidavit of Disclosure or Non-Disclosure
has been filed, MDH will notify the child that a non-certified copy of the original birth record cannot be released at this time. MDH will also notify the Department of Human Services for the purpose of conducting a search for
the birth parent(s) according to Minnesota Statutes, section 259.89. The search may take up to six months. MDH will contact the child when the search is complete.

Searches for Information about Siblings or Parents who were Adopted
The Minnesota Department of Health does not retain adoption information. The Office of the State Registrar retains:

1) current birth records that include the post adoption names of adopted persons and their adopted parents; and
2) the original birth record that includes original birth information.

The original birth record may be released only:

1) by court order
2) to the adopted person if the parent(s) named on the original birth record have been given permission; or
3) to a parent named on the original birth record.

Other than releasing the original birth record as described above, the Office of the State Registrar does not provide post adoption services and cannot help with searches for information about siblings or parents. If you are looking for information about a sibling or a parent who was adopted, please contact the adoption agency or the Minnesota Department of Human Services at 651-431-4682 or write to: Minnesota Department of Human Services, Child Safety and Permanency Division, Adoption Assitance Program, P.O. Box 64944, St. Paul, MN 55164-0944.

Telling interview with adoptive mother Joan Didion

The Leonard Lopate Show

Joan Didion's memoir Blue Nights (radio interview)

The comments are much better than the interview with this famous adoptive mother who clearly doesn't get ..IT..

Here's a few comments about the release of Blue Nights shared via NYMag.com/arts/books back in Oct 2011:

"Didion is an gold medal narcissist. Look at it in her face, her deathly cool self-obsession. She wrote the book to "get IT off her mind?" how telling. IT? Funny name for a daughter. Face it: There was no room in her life/drama for a beautiful daughter full of life who would draw attention away from Didion (look at the daughter at age 8 or 9 and see a vibrant life force that would outshine her mother in a matter of time). I could barely stomach the narcissistic prose bleating about her husband's death. No one could/would out live her. Her daughter would die before her, she had to, it was an unspoken rule, there was not room for both of them. Didion is surrounded by enablers. And yes, she can write, well, but who can read IT?" - Candida Worthington

"Why do people care about such stupid, self-indulgent, abusive people? Why does anyone want to enter the world of these precious non-entities? And it is sad how the psychological abuse of the daughter is glossed over. Instead we are supposed to be fascinated, somehow, by these people's oh-so-important "work". I just don't get it." - JS7

"It's hard to believe someone as bright as Didion could really be so clueless as to why her daughter was so 'troubled'.

As an adopted adult, I can tell you that Quintana was hardly unique. THOUSANDS of adoptees cannot make sense of the abandonment, the unacknowledged grief of losing their families,and the weathering the shift a CHILD must make into a family of strangers. Adoptees overpopulate residential treatment centers, prisons, etc. We are not an emotionally healthy lot.

Didion really ought to consider psychologist David Kirschner's theory 'adopted child syndrome' to understand her daughter, as opposed to the tired 'bi polar disorder' explaination. Everything Quintana lived through as a depressed child and a lost adult is outlined in the lifelong work of the late Betty Jean Lifton and adoptive mother and author Nancy Verrier's book, "The Primal Wound".

Didion claiming ignorance as to why her daughter was so emotionally pained is frustrating to those of us who have experienced life much like Quintana did, no matter who we came from, or to whom we were given to: the commonality is *being* adopted. It really is a life long condition as opposed to an 'event'."- Michelle Booth

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/lopate/2012/jan/02/joan-didions-emblue-nightsem/

The Time to Mourn

First, let me say Happy New Year to everyone.

Let me share a bit about the past month... while I have been mourning and tending my spirit.

Mourning ignited with the loss of Edie, the only mother I knew for 50+ years, when a cruel disease, dementia, erased her memory and caused her death on December 9 in Oregon. 

Until her diagnosis in 2007 and her move to Oregon in 2010, I had a very close and loving relationship with my mom. We spent months together each year, goofing off in Wisconsin, or if I was in Massachusetts, we spoke daily on the phone. Over the years, we grew inseparable. Our love was real.

Also last year two cherished aunts in my adoptive family died, and I had not properly grieved them and I needed to... and with mom gone, I had to... suddenly, grief erupted like a volcano and swallowed me up.

During my grieving, I felt it was important to be “real” about the people and events that shaped my life. I lived far too many fantasies as a child-young adult and never will go back into that “fog” mode. I choose to be as clear and real as humanly possible. 

The mind will naturally want to block what is painful so I made time to look at old photos, an important part of a grieving process. I looked at them with heart and eyes wide open. 

I could see in the photos how my parents adopted a stranger's child yet pretended it wasn't relevant to them they’d adopted me. They decided not to talk about it. (At least they didn’t in front of me.)

I see my a-parents unaware of how my emotional edges grew raw and ragged. I see my spirit go cold and numb in the photos. They ignore the child staring back at them and simply pretend everything is fine and normal. After many years, it does get to the point when we do become family. Your adoptive parents are the only parents you’ve known and the only truth you have known.

But this taught me a lesson. Adoption was forced, when parents force us to adapt and accept them as parents or you go insane. 

I admit I had a very difficult childhood which can kill you or make you strong. There was alcoholism and abuse at home. I will never completely understand what happened. I comprehend some parts as the child and others parts as an adult. 

Never could I tell them of my decision to open my adoption or when I did it. They would have seen it as my rejecting them. Still I had to do something about it and I did. Adoptees learn quickly what is possible and what is impossible with each parent and each situation. At home I was expected to adjust and adapt without any discussion or therapy. That’s the juggle for adoptees.

We know THAT needs to change. Adoptees confirm this on blogs and in books and in support groups.

No great surprise, the adoption industry didn't educate my parents before my adoption that I would have emotional difficulties being their adopted daughter.  That apparently wasn't discussed.

Sadly, there is too much the adoption industry will not disclose to adoptive parents. 

In 2012, ignorance is no longer an excuse.

Today's adoptive parents can turn to the internet and numerous books on how to deal with our emotional hurt, grief and adoption trauma. They can understand adoption better today because of adoptees. Parents can educate themselves and advocate for the child they adopt or foster. Some of these parents deal in truths and get their child into therapy. There isn't a cure for the primal wound (post-traumatic stress disorder, or severe narcissistic injury) but there are new treatments discussed every day on the internet.

I was not able to speak to Edie about my reunion with my natural father and my siblings. She had no interest in this or my search or how I felt. That was not a part of our relationship.  

Edie's death also made me realize I had not mourned my other mother Helen who I never met. I do admit it's a delayed reaction - because when you lose someone so important to you , other losses and grief can surface and erupt out of nowhere. I'll cry in spurts. I'll cry for myself. I'll cry because I miss their voices and the many stories of our life.

With my parents (adoptive and natural) all gone, it felt to me like my own history was disappearing.  

I know it's very important to mourn our relatives, and then let them go.  It would be selfish of us to try and keep their spirits here. The dead visit us in dreams. We can still speak to them.

Grief simply pours out of our soul because it needs release. I made the time to mourn. 

i have no indian name

http://youtu.be/BhC5-Myj6gs

Rita Coolidge explained in an interview she met a young woman who was adopted and the result of their meeting was this song…. beautiful song…tragic, too…

Minnesota's Healing Spirits

Healing Native Spirits in MN Long-Term Foster Care

MINNEAPOLIS - A unique program in south Minneapolis is finding success helping American Indian boys in long-term foster care. The director of the Healing Spirit program for boys, Kirk Crow Shoe, says the group home they operate takes in teens with a history of running away, skipping school and runs-ins with police. Many have been placed in multiple foster-care situations without success.

"They go into these homes and they're not making it. They're not connecting; they're not getting their needs met, so then they go back to the emergency shelter. They wait for yet another placement; they go to another placement, then they disrupt from that placement. Healing Spirit was developed as an answer to this particular problem."

At Healing Spirit, Crow Shoe explains, the focus is not just on school and living skills, but also on the sacred Native American culture, which he calls a significant part of helping the kids believe in themselves.

What makes Healing Spirit effective, Crow Shoe says, is that the teen boys are overseen by staff members who share the same Native American background.

"Many of them have been in long-term foster care themselves. They struggled greatly in their upbringings, and as adults they have the heart to give back to the community. The kids know that they've been in their shoes, as well, so there's an immediate sense of respect that's paid to one another in that relationship."

It is key for the troubled teens to connect with their culture and community and feel a sense of family - particularly in a system in which they've been shuffled from one place to another, Crow Shoe adds.

"These kids, after a period of time, they feel like they're throwaways and they're very broken kids. Because we understand that and because many of us have lived that life, they know that we are going to be more patient, more generous - and we're not going to give up on them quite so easily."

Since Healing Spirit was founded in 2003, the average length of stay has grown to around 2.5 years, and most boys now stay until they "age out." Crow Shoe says with that success, the program has generated interest from across the country.

"Because we have done as well as we have over the years, there are other communities that are interested in what we're doing; and as such, we then shared our model at the National Indian Child Welfare Act conferences."

A similar foster home for girls opens in south Minneapolis in January. American Indians make up just over one-percent of Minnesota's population, but account for 12 percent of the children in the state foster care system.

More information is available at http://diw.gmcc.org/programs.php.
Public News Service - MN » December , 2011

Russell Means on THE BIG LIES

You will hear lots on this clip! How reservations came to be...land in trust...assimilation....the big lies....

Guest Column: Johnathan Brooks JOINING THE DOTS

http://www.spiritbearcoaching.com/

Joining The Dots: 

The Spiritual Purpose of My Life

It has become popular in counselling for clients to be encouraged to write their story and so come to recognise how detrimental experiences can be used as opportunities for living life to the full.  In a sense this could be called allowing oneself to move into new situations, places or environments where this can happen.

I believe adoption and fostering offers a unique opportunity for adopter and adoptee for personal growth and the healing of the wounds we all carry, and may have to re-experience several times in order to except the wisdom of their lesson and move on. Before we are born our spirit/soul chooses the particular set of circumstances and the environment that will give us the greatest opportunity for growth into self responsible adult instead of remaining a victim.

When we are born we are totally dependent on others, but if we are unable to bond with a parent or nurturing figure with any degree of closeness, we may find it difficult to become self reliant and free to create a life of our own.

We may allow the values of others and the culture to dictate the patterns of our lives and try to fit in, or equally restricting, being constantly at war with that culture instead of freeing ourselves to fulfil the reason for incarnation.

In my own case I can now look back and recognise certain significant sets of circumstances that have led to being able to heal sum of my earlier wounding. My birth mother was a Native American of the Cree tribe which was not compatible with my birth fathers Northern Cheyenne. The Catholic Church arranged for my adoption after a few months old by an American Jewish man and Austrian/German then Protestant wife, at least four different types of cultural influences.

This was at a time when it was popular to adopt little Vietnamese orphans and babies from countries where America had been involved in destructive wars. While I was not from the Far East it could be said that White Americans had progressively destroyed my birth parents culture. I was never able to bond with my adopted mother, nor do I feel she was able to nurture me in any way. I felt very unclear who I was, felt deeply insecure, and separate from those around me. It is I think significant that when I married it was to a South Korean girl who was also adopted as a very young child and also had problems with bonding.

As I see it now part of my life task is to heal the wounds inflicted on First Nation peoples through myself as a First Nation individual and learn to recognise the Unity of Humanity, we are not separate.

The next significant event was when at age five my adopted parents moved from the USA to England. I was eventually sent to a Steiner school where both teachers and pupils were multi-national so being one of two Native Americans there was no big deal about my race. However, by this time I had become so inhibited and unable to express or be myself in any way to my adopted mother I was considered a bit slow and unresponsive. In fact, I still felt lonely, imprisoned and separate from the love of anyone who understood me, and I believe I was re-living a prison like isolation experience when the Cheyenne’s were split into two and vanished from their tribal grounds.

When I was later able to find my birth parents and was enrolled as a Northern Cheyenne I achieved a healing sense of belonging, and a cultural philosophy with which I could resonate. I began to feel who I was.

However, before this took place I was sent to live with foster parents during term time. These were an Austrian/Australian and his English wife together with their son who was in the same class at school, and was four days older than myself.

This son’s name was John to my Johnathan in a sense we were like dissimilar twins finding each other after a long separation. My foster parents never regarded me as anything but a welcome second son, and frequently said “How lucky we are to have two such good boys” and missed me when I was away.

My foster mother regarded the extraordinary world-wide travelling experiences on both our parts that had brought us all together as a sign of a beneficent and supportive universe, pointing to the fulfilment of the cosmic plan for Humanity. To Unify everything and return to Source through the magnetism of Love.

It was my foster mother who discovered I was Dyslexic. Dealing with this problem and wound led to me studying acting and later to become a NLP Master Practitioner. So a wound became an asset.

I remained with these foster parents for over 18 years before moving to London and training and working in several jobs which while I did not find particularly satisfying at the time were all useful in helping me on my way to a recognition of my sacred contract as Caroline Myss puts it [www.myss.com].

A greater understanding of this contract was given me by a tribal elder when I was working in a home for under privileged children on the Northern Cheyenne reservation. He remarked on the number of mothers I had, had. I slowly began to realize the importance of mothering, of grounding, of security on Mother Earth and bonding of all humanity.

During the summer of 1985, I had been given the Right to build and lead sweats in England by the Northern Cheyenne Sacred Hat Keeper, he’s a bit like the Pope.  When I got back, I built a sweat lodge in the garden and invited my foster brother to our first sweat not knowing that the covering of this place of purification creates feeling of returning  to the dark womb of Mother Earth, where we can safely release all the negative conditionings we have acquired and re-emerge re-born. I was, much later, to understand the value of ritual for impressing our minds in a learning/healing process.

A further opportunity to develop the theme of mothering, security and bonding when my daughter was born, at the same time of night on the same date as my foster mother 81 years before.

Circumstances arose that it became necessary/convenient for me to become a full time house father while still seeing clients. This has made me more and more conscious of the feminine, nurturing life and each person’s uniqueness while the male role is to encourage and give support for change and progress.

When Father Sky and Mother Earth unite, life can become an adventure, instead of something to be endured while every wound is seen as a valuable sign post and opportunity for becoming Whole or Healed.

In A Nutshell:

I feel my sacred contract is to help others recognise their legitimate and unfulfilled needs or wounds as the reverse of the positive qualities they are here to manifest.

Life is a paradox and unless we are able to recognise both opposite poles in ourselves we cannot make life meaningful, adventurous or creatively joyous. If we do not achieve this recognition or healing we will pass the problem onto the next generation.

This is a particular time of a return to the Great Mother.

‘Walk in Peace;

Walk in Beauty.’

Johnathan

Johnathan Brooks, PG Dip, MAC, CBT, MNLP, EFT is a Cognitive Behavioural Coach who has trained in a wide range of treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (post grad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ - passed with a ‘Commendation’ from Kingston University.

Is a registered Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP and is a full member of the Association for Coaching UK.

Thank you Johnathan for starting us out in 2012 with beauty, wisdom and inspiration! Trace