The Broken Circle (Movie trailer) 2012

The Broken circle (trailer 2012) from mathieu saliva on Vimeo.
Documentary about Sioux Lakotas (LGM productions) 1895 : Buffalo Bill leaves for Europe with his touring circus, the Wild Wild West Show. Among the artists you can find the legendary Native American Sioux chiefs Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse… Some of them are abandoned or willingly remain in Marseille & Paris. Today, their descendants live in the south of France. Their ancestors left them a heritage that no one suspected existed... Until now…

Lost Daughters: What my adoption cost me

(posted on lost daughters blog on january 17)

What adoption cost me

By Trace A. DeMeyer, author of One Small Sacrifice: A Memoir

Someone asked me recently what had adoption cost me personally.

What a loaded question, I shot back in my email. I said I needed to think about it.

Obviously I didn't ask to be adopted!

This situation was thrust on me by a damaged 22-year-old small-town Wisconsin girl who loved Chicago night-clubbing and partying too much. She didn't want me after my 28-year-old father (also a big drinker) kicked her out. He moved back to his Illinois farm-town and found a new wife. She went to an unwed mothers home in Minnesota and signed me away.

If my soul wanted a big test this lifetime, this was clearly the route to take.

Finding out neither would ever look for me? That painful discovery cost me.

What kind of man would desert a woman carrying his child and who would tell a woman she cannot keep her own baby? Who made them this way?  Belief systems, religions, social workers, neighbors, parents, judges, priests? Even your own family can be so damaged, it's risky to find them. There are times now I wish I had never looked but I had to know why I was adopted. Taking risks to find out the truth cost me years.

Being told by my natural mother to never contact her again? That rejection cost me.

I made all the moves, made all the calls, did all the travel and took all the risks to find both parents. I put myself out there to join a family who didn't even know I existed or cared that I did. That hurt cost me.

The adoption trade in babies was booming in the 1950s. In my opinion my adoptive parents were not carefully screened. Despite his raging alcoholism and their marital discord after two miscarriages, Catholic social workers still qualified them to be my parents. Very young I was sexually molested by my adoptive dad. That betrayal cost me.

I had to pretend for years I was alright when really I wasn't. I tried to live up to their expectations and be the baby they lost. That impossible situation cost me.

My adoptive parents didn't know adopting kids won't fix a marriage and might even make it worse! I had to suppress my shock and disappointment in them for too long. It took me years to get therapy and counselling that worked.  This delay cost me.

My lack of trust and being able to love someone cost me a marriage.

Many years later I was shocked to learn my ancestry. My father, who had the Native blood, didn't intervene to keep me. How did that make me feel? Betrayed.

I had no idea what to think about being Tsalgi since there was no one alive to reconnect me to my tribal culture. That cost me.

How can you measure cultural loss when there is no dollar amount or apology that can undo what happened? There is no way to get that back.

What did adoption cost me? Everything.

What did adoption give me? The strength to persevere.

 

Email me: tracedemeyer@yahoo.com with questions, comments and your own experience.

Questions about Mitt and the Mormons

Image from the Book of Mormon: Swords: Many critics of the Book of Mormon state that it is common knowledge that swords such as those described in Alma 24:12-15 did not exist in meso-america prior to the arrival of the Spanish Conquistadors, despite what the Book of Mormon says.

Read more here: 

http://the-book-of-mormon.com/photo-proofs.html

Several Native adoptees who are new friends were adopted by Mormons. And there are more than a few Native Americans and Alaska Natives who follow Joseph Smith and the Mormon religion.
I remember living in Wyoming back in the 1980s and heard what a serious religion it is - no soda/pop, no dancing, no drinking, etc.  The joke in Jackson Hole was "Mormons act like God can't see over the Tetons." Mormons apparently broke many of their rules visiting Wyoming saloons - out of Utah and out of sight, I guess.
(By the way, I heard the fabulous Mormon Tabernacle Choir in concert in Wyoming.)
Friends tell me if you are Mormon, you had to give them a copy of your income tax paperwork because you are required to tithe 10% of your income each year - no exceptions!
I am not bashing anyone's religion here but I do question why so many Native American children were adopted by the Mormons and converted to this religion. There was an official Mormon Indian Adoption Program where they took thousands of tribal children per year, many from the southwest. Some adoptive families had 10+ children in each family.
My friend Joan had a son who married a Mormon girl in Salt Lake City but Joan wasn't allowed in the Mormon church to watch the wedding (later they did a vow repeat for the non-Mormons at a restaurant reception.) Why can't a mother watch her son marry a Mormon since she will be the girl's mother-in-law? What is about Mormon's documenting all their genealogy - it seems every ancestry site is now owned by the Mormon Church?
With the Mormon "Mitt" trying for the White House, I have many questions and not enough answers about this religion.
I do hope someone adopted by a Mormon family will offer to write a guest blog (please) and help me and others understand...What exactly is the Mormon religion? Or is there a rule you can't speak about it?

Be someone you cannot be? please watch

Source: http://www.lifeworkscommunity.com/news/lecture/adoption-and-addiction.html

I do agree: an impossible job description: be someone you cannot be... adoption causes grief...hunger for attachment...trauma played out...catastrophic thinking...enormous wound at beginning of life...PTSD... Absolutely... Yes, all true... Trace

ICWA and the Media

by Kate Fort http://turtletalk.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/icwa-and-the-media/

There has been a lot of ICWA talk in national and local news this week due to a case we linked to here. I spoke with a person at the CNN In America blog (nothing up there yet) just about the general provisions of ICWA, and what struck me in that conversation was how few people today still know nothing about this law.

This same week we had two cases argued at the Michigan Supreme Court on notice compliance. We're having a meeting  about enacting a state ICWA law here in Michigan. We received a link to this  newsletter about ICWA compliance and monitoring at the trial court level in Minnesota. Sometimes it feels like ICWA is everywhere, if a person knows where to look for it. And yet most national media coverage of the Act is usually so biased and ignorant there's no way the coverage doesn't gin up serious opposition to the Act (the recent exception to this was NPR's excellent three part series on ICWA and foster care in South Dakota). And thus one, relatively minor, conundrum--talk to the media about the Act in the hopes of gaining a semblance of balance, or ignore the media in a case that is putting a child in the middle of that very media storm?

The case garnering this attention is difficult to get a handle on, fact-wise, and we're hesitant to add more commentary or links here, as we can't believe this level of attention is good for the child. It certainly isn't good attention for the Act, given the adoptive parents' full-out assault on it. There's a reason these cases are usually, or ought to be, anonymous. Regardless, we publish the Cherokee Nation's statement here to one media outlet, since it points out it has called on the court for both a gag order, and to release the final order (something we'd certainly feel more comfortable commenting on, rather than inconsistent media accounts):

Chrissi Ross Nimmo, the Assistant Attorney General who represented the Cherokee Nation in this case, gave FOX23 this statement:
“As a matter of law and policy, the Cherokee Nation’s attorney general’s office generally does not comment on juvenile cases due to their sensitive nature and confidential information. In an effort to quell the undue outside attention to this sensitive affair, the Cherokee Nation attorney general’s office filed a motion for a gag order in this case Wednesday afternoon, along with a motion to release the judge’s final order to the public. I ask that all parties involved in the matter respect the confidential nature of these juvenile court proceedings. The Cherokee Nation has 115 Indian Child Welfare employees and nine assistant attorneys general who work tirelessly to fight for the rights of Cherokee children and their parents, not only within our 14-county jurisdiction, but in tribal, state and federal courts across the nation.  The Indian Child Welfare Act was written to help keep Native American children with their families whenever possible – a concept embraced wholeheartedly by the Cherokee Nation.”

I want to add that this blog hopes to cover the violations of Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) to create awareness of the violations but not to identify or endanger any person's privacy... There is still much work to do in America...Trace 

Once Was Von: Search and Reunion Etiquette

Once Was Von: Search and Reunion Etiquette: Search and Reunion Etiquette: - : Do be very discreet. Do not, if at all possible, discuss the adoption story with anyone except the person ...

YES, there should be rules to this - and support for all those in reunion. Great post Von!
Trace

Michigan - what are you doing?

Second ICWA-Related Argument at Michigan SCT on Wednesday by Matthew L.M. Fletcher (Turtle Talk on the web)

Here is the issue in In re Gordon:

Courtney Hinkle first came to the attention of Children’s Protective Services after she was suspected of neglecting her months-old infant. When the child was one year old, CPS learned that he had been treated for second-degree burns to his hands, allegedly caused by a fall into a fireplace, and that Hinkle had not obtained follow-up medical care for him as directed. CPS filed a court action, and the child was taken into protective custody and placed in foster care. After attempting to provide services for Hinkle and concluding that she did not benefit from them, the Department of Human Services filed a petition seeking termination of Hinkle’s parental rights. At the conclusion of the termination hearing, the circuit judge found that DHS had established grounds for termination, and that termination was in the child’s best interests.

Hinkle appealed to the Court of Appeals, contending that DHS and the circuit court failed to comply with the notice requirements of the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA), 25 USC 1901 et seq., and failed to create a complete record of their attempts at compliance. Under the ICWA, child custody proceedings involving foster care placement or termination of parental rights to an “Indian child,” 25 USC 1903(4), are subject to specific federal procedures and standards. ICWA requires that an interested Indian tribe receive notice of termination proceedings involving an Indian child, 25 USC 1912(a). Under the ICWA, an “Indian child” is any unmarried individual less than eighteen years of age who is either (1) an Indian tribe member or (2) both eligible for Indian tribe membership and an Indian tribe member’s biological child. 25 USC 1903(4). The question whether a person is a member of a tribe or eligible for membership is for the tribe itself to answer. In re NEGP, 245 Mich App 126, 133 (2001). The failure to comply with the Indian tribe notice requirements may lead to invalidation of the proceedings. 25 USC 1914.

The circuit court record disclosed that Hinkle informed the judge that her family was part of the Saginaw Chippewa Indian tribe in Mt. Pleasant. Hinkle stated that she and her child were not tribal members, and that her biological mother was not a member of the tribe, but that her mother’s siblings were, including the aunt who was caring for her son during his foster care placement. She stated that she and her mother were awaiting word as to their own eligibility for tribal membership. The circuit judge directed DHS to investigate the child’s possible tribal membership and to notify the tribe of the proceedings. At a later hearing, the caseworker stated that she mailed a certified letter to the tribe, but had not heard back as to the child’s membership. At a subsequent hearing, the caseworker informed the court that Hinkle’s mother had been told that the family was not eligible for tribal “benefits.” The foster mother stated that she was a tribal mother, and that she tried to obtain information regarding the child’s status from the tribe, but that the tribe refused to release that information to anyone but DHS or the court. The court directed the caseworker to contact the tribe again. The ICWA notice issue was not mentioned again at any hearing and the file contains no mention of any further communications with the tribe.

The Court of Appeals affirmed the trial court’s termination of Hinkle’s parental rights in an unpublished per curiam opinion. Hinkle did not demonstrate that the trial court and DHS failed to satisfy ICWA’s notice requirement, the Court of Appeals stated; there was ample evidence that the tribe had actual notice of the proceedings, the appellate court said. Moreover, “[g]iven respondent’s own statement in court that she received a response that she and her son were not eligible for tribal membership, the trial court was relieved from embarking on further ICWA tribal notification efforts,” the Court of Appeals concluded. Hinkle appeals.

And here are the briefs:

Petitioner-Appellee's Response to Application for Leave to Appeal>>

Respondent-Appellant's Application for Leave to Appeal>> 
Respondent-Appellant's Supplemental Brief>>

Michigan Indian Legal Services, Inc. and The American Indian Law Section of the State Bar of Michigans' Amici Curiae Brief>>

New Book: Native American Adoption...

NEW BOOK

Native American Adoption, Captivity, and Slavery in Changing Contexts

Studies of the Americas Edited By Max Carocci and Stephanie Pratt Palgrave Macmillan, January 2012 ISBN: 978-0-230-11505-7, ISBN10: 0-230-11505-5,  278 pages, Hardcover, $90

History
Native American Adoption, Captivity, and Slavery in Changing Contexts radically rethinks the theoretical parameters through which we interpret both current and past ideas of adoption, captivity, and slavery among Native American societies in an interdisciplinary perspective. The book covers a period of over 800 years of North American history, from Native American archaeological cultures to the late nineteenth century. Individual case studies reframe concepts related to adoption, captivity, and slavery through art, literature, archaeology, and anthropology. In doing so, they highlight the importance of the interaction between perceptions, representations, and lived experience associated with the facts of slavery.

About the Author(s)

By Stephanie Pratt and Max Carocci

Max Carocci lectures on Indigenous Arts of the Americas for the program World Arts and Artefacts, which he directs in joint collaboration with Birkbeck College's department of History of Art and Screen Media (University of London) and the British Museum. He has recently curated Warriors of the Plains, an exhibition on Plains Indian arts, for the British Museum. His forthcoming monograph, The Arts of Plains Indian Warfare (2012), expands his long-standing focus on Native American arts from an anthropological perspective, which he has developed over more than twenty years of research and publications about Native American expressive cultures. He is also curator of the forthcoming exhibition on Native American photographic collections from the Royal Anthropological Institute of Great Britain and Ireland due to open at their London headquarters in 2012.

Stephanie Pratt is an associate professor(reader) of Art History at the University of Plymouth. She has published a number of essays concerning the visual representation of Native Americans in European art from the period c. 1600 to the end of the nineteenth century. Her monograph, American Indians in British Art, 1700–1840, was published in 2005. Recently, she has focused on how Native American cultures and arts have been represented in Western museums and galleries and is developing a book-length study of early North American collections of Native American ethnographica. She is principal curator for the upcoming exhibition George Catlin's Indian Gallery: Displaying Indigenous America in Nineteenth Century Europe, to be held at the National Portrait Gallery, London, in 2013.


Table of Contents

Ripe for Colonial Exploitation: Ancient Traditions of Violence and Enmity as Preludes to the Indian Slave Trade - Marvin D. Jeter * The Emergence of the Colonial South: Colonial Indian Slaving and the Fall of the Pre-Contact Mississippian World and the Emergence of a New Social Geography in the American South, 1540-1730 - Robbie Ethridge * Southeastern Indian Polities of the Seventeenth Century: Suggestions toward an Analytical Vocabulary - Eric E. Bowne * From Captives to Kin: Indian Slavery and Changing Social Identities on the Louisiana Colonial Frontier - Dayna Bowker Lee * Capturing Captivity: Visual Imaginings of the English and Powhatan Encounter Accompanying the Virginia Narratives of John Smith and Ralph Hamor, 1612 - 1634 - Stephanie Pratt * Strategies of (Un)belonging: The Captivities of John Smith, Olaudah Equiano, and John Marrant - Susan Castillo * Captive or Captivated: Rethinking Encounters in Early Colonial America - Patrick Minges * A Christian Disposition: Religious Identity in the Meeker Captivity Narrative - Brandi Denison * Visual Representation as a Method of Discourse on Captivity, Focussed on Cynthia Ann Parker - Lin Holdridge * Reflections and Refractions from the Southwest Borderlands - James F. Brooks

[ This book is very expensive and yet it has history we very much need to learn about...so if I can obtain a copy soon, I will post a review.... Trace]

Once Was Von: Mamma Mia!

Once Was Von: Mamma Mia!: Most adoptees who read blogs, websites and use forums, will have come across the mother, who in a gesture of connection, tells an individual...

Please read the rest of this post... It's so good!

Failed Reunions - I need to hear from you!

I am writing a story about failed reunions.
If you have not had a successful reunion after you found your mother or father after a closed adoption, what happened and what didn't happen. That's what every adoptee needs to know and learn.
If you did have a failed reunion with your birthparent or birthparents or birth family, please email me: tracedemeyer@yahoo.com. All replies will be confidential.
Thank you so much everyone for reading this blog and sharing your comments and your stories.

Disgusted, dirty, and angry: You can help stop the deportation of Russell Green.

http://landofgazillionadoptees.com/2012/01/09/disgusted-dirty-and-angry-you-can-help-stop-the-deportation-of-russell-green/

My heart breaks reading stories like these...PLEASE sign the petition. I did!

American Holocaust of Native People (video)

Watch more documentary here, http://documentarytrove.com/ 
The powerful and hard-hitting documentary, American Holocaust, is quite possibly the only film that reveals the link between the Nazi holocaust, which claimed at least 6 million Jews, and the American Holocaust which claimed, according to conservative estimates, 19 million Indigenous People.

It is seldom noted anywhere in fact, be it in textbooks or on the internet, that Hitler studied Americas Indian policy, and used it as a model for what he termed "the final solution."

He wasn't the only one either. Its not explicitly mentioned in the film, but its well known that members of the National Party government in South Africa studied the American approach before they introduced the system of racial apartheid, which lasted from 1948 to 1994. Other fascist regimes, for instance, in South and Central America, studied the same policy.


19 Million Native People is a HOLOCAUST! Trace

WE NEED YOU NOW! New Bill in WA state

IMPORTANT!! New WA bill for OBCs and Non-ID! 


Write these lawmakers! I did!



Penni writes on Soaring Angels:
Hello- We have a new bill this year that would release original birth certificates (OBC) to Washington State adoptees AND would also compel counties and adoption agencies to give out ALL possibly non-id (changes the 'shall' to 'will' in the non-id RCW - YAY!!).

This bill is House Bill 2211:
http://apps. leg.wa.gov/ billinfo/ summary.aspx? bill=2211

Because there are certain legislators who are extremely anti-open records, we did have to agree to a compromise this year. This compromise would add an option for birth parents to file an affidavit of non-closure, which would
mean the adoptee couldn't get their original birth certificate. 

The good thing about this particular compromise is that it would expire every 2 years and the birth parent would have to renew it. Also, even if a birth parent would file an affidavit of non-disclosure, the adoptee would
still be able to get their non-identifying information.

WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU:

1. CONTACT YOUR REPRESENTATIVE! 
We need all of you with a WA connection to contact your state representative and ask them to support House Bill 2211 (HB 2211). 

You can find your representatives here:
http://apps. leg.wa.gov/ DistrictFinder/ Default.aspx

2. IF YOUR REPRESENTATIVE IS ON THE HOUSE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE, SETUP A MEETING!
If any of you live in a district with a representative on the House Judiciary Committee, and would be willing to set up a meeting, we could arrange to have someone from WA-CARE go with you to the meeting. 

Here are the members of the Judiciary Committee:
http://www.leg. wa.gov/House/ Committees/ JUDI/Pages/ MembersStaff. aspx. 

3. SETUP A MEETING WITH ONE OF THESE SENTATORS!
Do any of you live in the districts belonging to Sen. Becker, Sen. Keiser, Sen. Stevens, and Sen. Pridemore?? If yes, we also need to try to set up meetings with one of these sentators in the event that the bill passes the
house and moves on to the senate, need to find a potential senator to sponsor the bill.

For more information about the efforts in WA to get the adoption laws changed, see the WA-CARE website: http://wa-care.com/default. aspx

Next WA-CARE meeting: Wed, Jan 18, 2012, 11.30am at Cutter's Point Coffee, 5750 Ruddell Road SE, Lacey, WA.

Any comments or questions, please email WA-CARE at washingtonadopteerights@gmail. com
Thanks! Penni


From Trace: Write a letter to the legislators and email Penni and tell your story - good and bad - adoption secrecy is like a cancer and needs maximum exposure aimed at the lawmakers. The adoptee and their stories are critical to change these lawmakers minds.

TO:	Representative Tina Orwall
FROM:	Ms. Trace A DeMeyer
BILL:	2211 (For Adoptee Rights)
	Dear Rep Tina Orwall I did live and work in WA state for many years but currently live in MA. I am an adoptee and an author. My struggle to find my identity, my medical history, my ancestry, my family and my tribe is detailed in my memoir ONE SMALL SACRIFICE: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects. My book is on Amazon. My blog (www.splitfeathers.blogspot.com) has research and history and many articles by and about adoptees who are also struggling with archaic laws. Not all have American Indian ancestry. Do you know who you are? Do you know what it is like not to know? Or date someone who could be your relative? Or get sick and not have medical history? Or have a fake birth certificate and now with the REAL ID ACT you may not be able to get a new drivers license or passport. My friends Wanda and Tom are WA state adoptees and cannot find their parents. Is that right? They are adults, not children. It's possible their parents are dead but they remember their siblings before they were taken to CT to be adopted. That was a part of the Indian Adoption Project. Excerpt from my second book SPLIT FEATHERS: TWO WORLDS Administered by the Child Welfare League of America and funded by a federal contract from the Bureau of Indian Affairs and the U.S. Children’s Bureau, the Indian Adoption Project lasted from 1958 through 1967. During an era when matching dominated adoption practice, it placed 395 Native American children from 16 western states with white families in Illinois, Indiana, New York, Massachusetts, Missouri, and other states in the East and Midwest. (Only 14 children were adopted by Southern families and one child was adopted in Puerto Rico.) Approximately fifty public and private adoption agencies cooperated with the project, but the largest number of children were placed by agencies that were leaders in African-American adoptions and services to children of color: Louise Wise Services and Spence-Chapin Adoption Services (both of New York) and the Children’s Bureau of Delaware. Because tribes are legally considered sovereign nations, the incorporation of Indian children into non-Indian families constituted a kind of international as well as transracial adoption...The Indian Adoption Project was perhaps the single most important exception to race-matching... It aspired to systematically place an entire child population across lines of nation, culture, and race. (85% of Indian children in 16 states were placed in CLOSED ADOPTIONS)(Each state had its own program after IAP using the ARENA projects which moved thousands of Indian children from Canada and the US to non-Indian adoptive families. I have more proof in book 2.) In the late 1960s and early 1970s, Native Americans challenged the idea that the Indian Adoption Project was a triumph and denounced the project as the most recent in a long line of genocidal policies toward native communities and cultures. In June 2001, Child Welfare League Executive Director Shay Bilchik legitimated Native concerns, formally apologizing for the Indian Adoption Project at a meeting of the National Indian Child Welfare Association. He put the Child Welfare League of America on record in support of the Indian Child Welfare Act. “No matter how well intentioned and how squarely in the mainstream this was at the time,” he said, “it was wrong; it was hurtful; and it reflected a kind of bias that surfaces feelings of shame.” Source: http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/topics/IAP.html When you consider all the lies and secrecy and harm that surrounds adoption, how does that make you feel? Trace A. DeMeyer
RESPONSE:	Ms. DeMeyer has requested a response to this message.

Adopters battle with Cherokee Father

Couple battles tribe over adoption

Columbia, South Carolina (WLTX) - A Lowcountry couple with a Midlands connection is working to get back the little girl they adopted two years ago, after a judge granted custody to the biological father under the Indian Child Welfare Act.

"I'll always remember her crying when we had to - we had to walk out of that office and leave her there," says Melanie Capobianco. Two years ago, she and her husband Matt first helped to welcome Veronica into the world.

According to their website, her birth mother selected the Charleston couple to adopt her and they remain close. They also say her birth father signed a document saying he wouldn't contest the adoption. But after a court battle, Veronica's birth father claimed custody under the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. "Specifically, it says that tribes have to be notified when children of their members, or eligible members, are being placed outside the home. Tribes have to be given a chance to intervene," explains David Simmons with the National Indian Child Welfare Association.

He says their culture is an important aspect of the Native American community. "Their culture, nobody else can provide that for them. And they have a right to be able to experience that relationship with their tribe," says Simmons.

On New Year's Eve, Veronica's birth father took her with him to Oklahoma, where he lives. While Simmons is sympathetic to the Capobiancos' struggle, he's seen similar cases before. "Oftentimes, when we hear about cases like this, we find out that there hasn't, the person who was facilitating - sort of the expert in doing this work - wasn't following the Indian Child Welfare Act as closely as they should've been," he says.

The couple did get to talk to Veronica on the phone earlier this week. "She said, 'Hi mommy! Hi daddy!' She sounded really excited to hear us and she said, 'I love you, I love you,' numerous times," says Melanie. 

But they're still fighting to have more than just her voice back in their home.

Melanie is originally from Winnsboro. She and her husband's appeal to the South Carolina Supreme Court is already underway, but the case probably won't be heard until this spring.

News19 did leave a message for Veronica's birth father's attorney, but has not yet heard back. Click here for the TV broadcast

My thoughts:

The slant in this story is the child is/was better off with the adoptive parents and the bio-dad is not enough Indian to matter - if you read the comments after this story.

The idea behind the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) was to protect children. Adoption does not protect us if the courts place a child outside of their tribal family. The courts should respect a father's right to parent and have custody... in this case the mother had given consent for adoption of Veronica but not the father who is Cherokee.

If both parents consent to adoption, if that is the only option for a child, then other family needs to raise the child within the tribe...

Disregarding federal law and the sovereignty of Native American people is obvious in too many cases of adoption in the last 30 years since ICWA. South Carolina is among them.

Trace

What you need to know about REUNIONS

The Reunion
http://library.adoption.com/articles/search-and-reunion-etiquette-.html 

Reunions come in many styles and with many variations, but the essence is still the same. This is the "meeting" - the reconnection - of two people who for all intents and purposes are closely related, but who are relative strangers. Like the development of any relationship, that of adoptee and birth relative takes time and effort. There is something profoundly mystical and magical about reunions. They require lots of work, lots of concentration and, above all, a sense of humour. Rules of etiquette which have been developed through experience may make things run more smoothly.

Do be honest. There have been enough lies and secrets.

Do share information as appropriate, both in the initial call (if there is one) and later, when you meet. Sometimes questions come as a reflex and may not need to be answered that very moment. For example, to "How did you find me?" you might respond "It was not easy. I'll tell you the whole story sometime. Right now let's enjoy this wonderful meeting." To "Who is my birth father?" one might respond "I will tell you the whole story, but right now I need some time to reflect on what has happened. But I promise I'll tell you the truth." A related principle is that if an immediate answer to your questions is not forthcoming, try to be patient-within reason-with the other person.

Do try to laugh. This is a joyful situation. Don't make it into a frightening experience. There is enough inherent drama in the incredible event taking place without adding to the tension. Be prepared to go whitewater rafting and hang on tight!

Do try to keep it simple. In birth parent searches, do not try to find both parents at once (unless, of course, they are still together). The emotional upheaval that may ensue could spoil the hope of future successes.

Do plan your first meeting in a place where either party can feel confident and safe. The situation is emotional enough without adding to it the fear of not being able to "get away" if there is a problem. A cozy corner in a public place (behind the potted palms in a large hotel lounge) can be just fine. If you decide this is working well, you can move to somewhere more private.

Do keep the first meeting shorter rather than longer, if possible. This gives everyone time to take a breather, re-assess the situation and consider the future relationship. It is always easier meeting for the second time. (If you have to travel some distance to meet, the "second time" may be the day after your initial meeting.)

Do try to avoid a huge family picnic as the way to introduce your new-found relative to the clan. It can be very overwhelming to meet 50 relatives at once.

Do keep an open mind. The birth family may be very different from the adoptive family. Try not to judge one against the other until you get to know them better.

Do have realistic expectations. The moment of reunion is not the time to decide you really only wanted "medical information" or that you are not ready to pursue a relationship. It is cruel to set the other party up to expect more than you are prepared to give. Be honest with yourself and try to look at your reasons for searching and the limits of what you can accept. Talk with your support system ahead of time about the limits; if you're in an uncomfortable situation, try to resolve it directly and privately. 

Do have a frank discussion of how the adoptee will address the birth parent and other birth relatives, and vice versa, following the reunion. Some birth mothers want their surrendered children to call them "Mom," but adoptees already have one "Mom" in their life and may not be comfortable using that title for anyone but their adoptive mother. Likewise, some adoptees are eager to call their birth mother "Mom," but the birth mother may not be comfortable being called "Mom" by a child she did not raise. Good manners would also direct that any discussion of how the adoptee will refer to his or her birth relatives not take place in the presence of a roomful of relatives. One needs to be very flexible. If this issue becomes one of contention, a re-examination of expectations may be in order.

Don't try to compete with established family holiday procedures unless everyone agrees. Like the name issue, this is not worth the anguish it can cause. Keep it simple. Many reunited relatives get bogged down in the minutiae of names and festivals instead of being thrilled that they have found each other.

Do try to respect the other person's wishes about sharing the reunion with other members of the family. For some birth parents, a reluctance to share can go on too long. Try to set limits to your impatience and wait it out. At some point adoptees in this situation may need to re-assess their expectations and make decisions about the future path of the relationship. Advice from an experienced searcher or support group is recommended.

Do be stoic if the other party feels a need to pull back for a while. It is very wise to agree without a huge fuss, great grief, or gnashing of teeth. Such need to pull away is often seen in the reunion process. It allows the person to take stock or re-assess the reunion and its effect on his or her life. Although very painful to the other person, it is best treated with patience and lots of reading. Support groups are great for dealing with the sadness. No one can fix anyone else. They can only fix themselves.

Don't blame yourself for problems in the other person's life. Birth mothers often feel great guilt if the child they relinquished did not grow up as advantaged as they might have hoped, or if religion is not as important in their child's life as it is to them (or vice versa). Adoptees can sometimes feel guilty if the relinquishment experience had a negative impact on the birth mother's life. We cannot turn the clock back no matter how much we might want to. Your relationship starts from the day you meet again. Keep it positive.

Don't plan on moving in with your new relatives. They may be delighted to meet you but they are not looking for a permanent house guest.

Do enjoy the reunion. It's a gift from God.

So...is Search and Reunion a good thing? You bet! Should it be carefully thought through? Absolutely! Will it be 100% successful? If we knew the answer to that, we'd be setting up shop in Las Vegas!




[I wish I had known more prior to my reunions in 1994 - this is very good advice...Trace]

Help for Minnesota Adoptees (I am one, too)

I am an adoptee who was born in Minnesota in 1956.
When I was searching, I did call Catholic Charities since they handled my adoption. This was in the late 1970s and they, of course, were shocked I was asking for my birth certificate and wanting to know who my parents were. They didn't slam down the phone but they were no help at all - but times have changed somewhat since then and this is the  link  to contact Minnesota for access to your birth records and birth certificate.
It is "conditional" access - which means your birthparent has had to file a consent form - and if they have done that, the adoptee will be able to have a certified copy of the original birth records. (read below)
You can check my blog here about what was in my adoption file from Wisconsin; the judge ordered an investigation before my adoption was finalized and the investigator had to get a copies of my files which listed days spent in a Minnesota Catholic orphanage, other records from Minnesota, my foster care address in Wisconsin - prior to my being legally adopted. (Yes, states did transfer children around like Minnesota-Wisconsin-Illinois). I was born in MN but adopted in Wisconsin - which meant I had two places to look. A Wisconsin judge let me read my files in 1979.
In 2010, I did contact Minnesota to request a copy of my original birth certificate. Because records are still sealed, they said NO. My birthmother Helen died in 2007, so she obviously will not ever give her consent.
This also presents a problem since the government will be refusing to give certain people with strange-looking birth certificates a driver's license in the not-too-distant future. (REAL ID ACT OF 2005)
My friends at Soaring Angels on Yahoo Groups (search angels for adoptees & birthfamilies) posted this so I wanted to share it with adoptees who need help in Minnesota!

Access to Original Birth Record in MN


A child, age 19 or older who was adopted, may request a non-certified copy of the original birth record. To request a non-certified copy, complete the Adoptee's Request for Original Birth Record Information and Search for Affidavit of Disclosure or Non-Disclosure( Interactive PDF: 60KB/1 page)
<http://www.health. state.mn. us/divs/chs/ osr/disclosesear chnew.pdf> . 
Mail the completed form with a fee of $13 to the Minnesota Department of Health, Central Cashiering - Vital Records, P.O. Box 64499, St. Paul, Minnesota 55164-0499.

If a birth parent has given permission to release the original birth information to the child, MDH will send the child a non-certified copy of the original birth record. If no Affidavit of Disclosure or Non-Disclosure
has been filed, MDH will notify the child that a non-certified copy of the original birth record cannot be released at this time. MDH will also notify the Department of Human Services for the purpose of conducting a search for
the birth parent(s) according to Minnesota Statutes, section 259.89. The search may take up to six months. MDH will contact the child when the search is complete.

Searches for Information about Siblings or Parents who were Adopted
The Minnesota Department of Health does not retain adoption information. The Office of the State Registrar retains:

1) current birth records that include the post adoption names of adopted persons and their adopted parents; and
2) the original birth record that includes original birth information.

The original birth record may be released only:

1) by court order
2) to the adopted person if the parent(s) named on the original birth record have been given permission; or
3) to a parent named on the original birth record.

Other than releasing the original birth record as described above, the Office of the State Registrar does not provide post adoption services and cannot help with searches for information about siblings or parents. If you are looking for information about a sibling or a parent who was adopted, please contact the adoption agency or the Minnesota Department of Human Services at 651-431-4682 or write to: Minnesota Department of Human Services, Child Safety and Permanency Division, Adoption Assitance Program, P.O. Box 64944, St. Paul, MN 55164-0944.

Telling interview with adoptive mother Joan Didion

The Leonard Lopate Show

Joan Didion's memoir Blue Nights (radio interview)

The comments are much better than the interview with this famous adoptive mother who clearly doesn't get ..IT..

Here's a few comments about the release of Blue Nights shared via NYMag.com/arts/books back in Oct 2011:

"Didion is an gold medal narcissist. Look at it in her face, her deathly cool self-obsession. She wrote the book to "get IT off her mind?" how telling. IT? Funny name for a daughter. Face it: There was no room in her life/drama for a beautiful daughter full of life who would draw attention away from Didion (look at the daughter at age 8 or 9 and see a vibrant life force that would outshine her mother in a matter of time). I could barely stomach the narcissistic prose bleating about her husband's death. No one could/would out live her. Her daughter would die before her, she had to, it was an unspoken rule, there was not room for both of them. Didion is surrounded by enablers. And yes, she can write, well, but who can read IT?" - Candida Worthington

"Why do people care about such stupid, self-indulgent, abusive people? Why does anyone want to enter the world of these precious non-entities? And it is sad how the psychological abuse of the daughter is glossed over. Instead we are supposed to be fascinated, somehow, by these people's oh-so-important "work". I just don't get it." - JS7

"It's hard to believe someone as bright as Didion could really be so clueless as to why her daughter was so 'troubled'.

As an adopted adult, I can tell you that Quintana was hardly unique. THOUSANDS of adoptees cannot make sense of the abandonment, the unacknowledged grief of losing their families,and the weathering the shift a CHILD must make into a family of strangers. Adoptees overpopulate residential treatment centers, prisons, etc. We are not an emotionally healthy lot.

Didion really ought to consider psychologist David Kirschner's theory 'adopted child syndrome' to understand her daughter, as opposed to the tired 'bi polar disorder' explaination. Everything Quintana lived through as a depressed child and a lost adult is outlined in the lifelong work of the late Betty Jean Lifton and adoptive mother and author Nancy Verrier's book, "The Primal Wound".

Didion claiming ignorance as to why her daughter was so emotionally pained is frustrating to those of us who have experienced life much like Quintana did, no matter who we came from, or to whom we were given to: the commonality is *being* adopted. It really is a life long condition as opposed to an 'event'."- Michelle Booth

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/lopate/2012/jan/02/joan-didions-emblue-nightsem/