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Lost Children Book Series

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Adoption Myths, Adoption Records #flipthescript

By Trace (Lost Bird Adoptee)



NANCY VERRIER M.A., PSYCHOTHERAPIST
"The chosen child and the grateful child myths are two beliefs that die hard. Although made to feel as if it were the case, most adoptees do not feel chosen so much as they feel unchosen by their birth mothers. To be chosen by anyone else after that is anticlimactic. So far as being grateful, it is the adoptive parents who should be grateful. They are the ones pursuing the adoption. They are the ones who got what they wanted. No child would choose to be separated from his biological mother. That he may have to be separated from her is a different thing altogether. That is an intellectual, adult decision, not an emotional/sensual baby experience. Although grateful for many things his parents may have done for him, no child should be obligated to feel grateful for having a loving set of parents. That should be his right."
            That is an extract from Nancy Newton Verrier MA in her concluding chapter 2o called Adoption Myths, from her book called Coming Home To Self, published by Gateway in '03 and available on Amazon, much consulted and recommended by both adoptees and the ivf-made. 


So why is adoption records access important?

           
            It’s about identity! Adoptees grow up with questions about identity. Questions that affect their psycho-social development, sometimes in negative ways. Like all humans, adoptees seek to answer the questions “who am I?” and “why am I here?”
            Adoptees are legally prohibited from obtaining information that is critical to answering that question. But it is a necessary tool for most adoptees to answer those nagging questions about our origins. Knowing is better than not knowing. Knowing the truth is healing for most of us. But fear of discovery, not as you might imagine for parents who surrendered a child to adoption, but for adoption professionals who misrepresented the facts to vulnerable women or couples wishing to adopt, makes for a powerful motive to keep the truth hidden.
            When access to one’s original birth certificate (OBC) is forbidden, the only substitute is to search for one’s family of origin. 
If state officials are intent on protecting the identity of parents who were persuaded to relinquish a child to adoption the surest method is to provide answers to the questions asked.
            Many adoptees would be satisfied just to know the truth.  Contact is a different matter and no reasonable person on either point of the adoption triangle expects a relationship to automatically develop with strangers, even strangers who are biologically related. 
Adoptees, generally, are not seeking a family, but themselves.

2 comments:

  1. Here is a PSA short I filmed for the Office of Indian Policy at DSHS here in Region 2. ...THIS is often what cultural genocide looks like.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxbodWnFxM4

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for the link: http://youtu.be/KxbodWnFxM4

    ReplyDelete

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To Veronica Brown

Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.

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ADOPTION TRUTH

As the single largest unregulated industry in the United States, adoption is viewed as a benevolent action that results in the formation of “forever families.”
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.

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