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Monday, November 14, 2016

Adoptees: Does this affect your romantic relationships? #NAAM2016

excerpt:

Has being adopted impacted your romantic relationships and friendships? My fear of abandonment often propels me to test the devotion of romantic partners. In friendships, I'm cagey. (I know everything about them; they know very little about me.)


Yes, most definitely! It took me until I was 43 years old to come to a better understanding of why I continued to make the same cycle of choices. Three years ago, I took part in a ten-week program with a counselor about attachment and bonding. My eyes were quickly opened to understand how a broken mother/child bond can affect the way adoptees relate with people and the way we react to circumstances that present themselves on a daily basis. Prior to counseling, I was always adamant that adoption had no effect on my life because I had a loving upbringing. Certainly, the fact that I was raised in a nurturing family went a long way in helping me form bonds and provide stability. However, I learned that a child's sense of loss and fear of abandonment remains with them (consciously and subconsciously) throughout their life. It can permeate their interactions and relationships well into their adult life.

In my friendships, I have a strong tendency to keep discussions on a surface level. I rarely ask personal questions or challenge beliefs for fear that I might be rejected or hurt their feelings. Surface is easy, stable, and safe. Safety and stability are key for me, which is why my past choices in life have often followed a more conservative path.

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adoptees take back adoption narrative and reject propaganda

To Veronica Brown

Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.

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Customer Review

Thought-provoking and moving 11 October 2012
Two Worlds - Lost children of the Indian Adoption Projects

If you thought that ethnic cleansing was something for the history books, think again. This work tells the stories of Native American Indian adoptees "The Lost Birds" who continue to suffer the effects of successive US and Canadian government policies on adoption; policies that were in force as recently as the 1970's. Many of the contributors still bear the scars of their separation from their ancestral roots. What becomes apparent to the reader is the reality of a racial memory that lives in the DNA of adoptees and calls to them from the past.
The editors have let the contributors tell their own stories of their childhood and search for their blood relatives, allowing the reader to gain a true impression of their personalities. What becomes apparent is that nothing is straightforward; re-assimilation brings its own cultural and emotional problems. Not all of the stories are harrowing or sad; there are a number of heart-warming successes, and not all placements amongst white families had negative consequences. But with whom should the ultimate decision of adoption reside? Government authorities or the Indian people themselves? Read Two Worlds and decide for yourself.

ADOPTION TRUTH

As the single largest unregulated industry in the United States, adoption is viewed as a benevolent action that results in the formation of “forever families.”
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.

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